Escapism

For many years I’ve been doing this. At first, I didn’t realize I was doing it but even so, my life has been made up of trying to run away from my own thoughts and memories. For a long time music was all I had to dive into. When I got my first computer, it was a remarkable asset to my depressed state of mind. It kept me from thinking about my history, those I’ve lost and the current hurts and disappointments of my life. I spent day and night on that computer until I almost fell off the chair, only then would I go to bed. I didn’t want to take time to fall asleep. I had to be exhausted so I would be too tired to think before I fell asleep or had too much time to analyze this and that. Even now with twitter, Facebook, YouTube and all, there is even more to fall into. I’m still on an odd sleeping schedule but things aren’t as bad as they use to be by far. I once had many favorite celebrities. It was better to follow their lives than my own. I was living in darkness. At some point, I read the bible but didn’t have anyone to help me understand or ask questions. I had no church to go to. I’d visit one or two here or there throughout the years but none captured my interest in becoming a part of or visiting regularly. They would always disappoint me somehow. Church goers can be so judgmental and dismissive. It’s hypocritical, but it’s true. For years, I thought it was okay not to go to church, not to be baptized or even read the bible as long as I believe Jesus is Savior, that is enough. I told myself this for years and it’s even written in the bible. I kept having this nagging feeling that I am supposed to be baptized so I was at odds agreeing and disagreeing with myself. 

Finally, I let God speak to me. I was trying my best without even being conscious of it to block Him out. It was instilled in me by the Holy Spirit what I was to do. I got myself baptized, joined a church but that didn’t last long. It was one of those big churches where people show up dressed all fancy. My family and I didn’t dress like that ever so we stood out. Mind you, we were wearing decent and clean clothing but soon we got bombarded with people trying to give us clothes. Needless to say it made us feel uncomfortable. We left the church. Years later we moved to the West Coast and now I’ve found my footing. I found a small church where people care about you and not about the way you dress. It’s composed of various families and it’s a good place to be. The pastor and his wife are wonderful and welcoming people. I’ve been going for more than two years to this same church and bible study for the first time in my life and it feels good! We need to be around other Christians to ease our loneliness and to communicate with like-minded people. We need someone chosen by God to lead us like a good pastor or priest. It is of the utmost importance to read your bible because there God will speak to you also. 

With God, I beat my severe depression and I can escape into him and be comforted. God can bring calm to a racing heart. He can bring light to a dark soul. Give it a try. Read your bible regularly and listen to your heart. There you will find clarity. Escape into God. This is my prayer for all who read this. Whatever your escape is, drugs, alcohol, sex, self-harm or something else, take it to God Almighty. He can heal you if you’re open to it. God Bless you.